My Ongoing Journey with Spirits (Alcohol)
A Personal Reflection
I am going to cut to the chase(r).
I’ve arrived at a crossroad in my life where I want to start calling the shots.
I recognize in myself that at the end of a long week, I wine down with a few drinks and I ultimately feel tired, irritable, and lackluster the next day.
It is time that I address the spirits that are being served to me, but that may not be of service to me.
alcohol
I am going to serve it to you straight.
I don’t have a solution when it comes to your relationship with alcohol.
And here comes the headache.
Only you do.
Each person's relationship with alcohol is complex. Add in genetic predispositions and there's even more to unpack. I could write novels about spirits, but let's start here.
I’ll start by divulging to you my own journey with spirits,
why I turn to alcohol,
and where I currently am in my own relationship with it.
I decided to write this piece to promote relatability and perspective, offer some comic relief, and encourage you to shed any shame about your relationship with alcohol. Instead, maybe you find curiosity.
The evolution of my choice of cocktails
My relationship with alcohol has been one of the most fun, perplexing, and complicated relationships I’ve had. Despite the complexity, I’ve never studied it much. But it got to a point where I started to look at it differently. And for me, the time has come to analyze the inner workings of my relationship and habits surrounding alcohol.
So please join me in indulging in the various eras of my life involving drinking. Some may go down easier than others.
Cheap and Accessible: From Burnett’s to Smirnoff Ice
A journey that started for many, as a conforming, curious, and rebellious act of underage drinking, to binge drinking in a college culture of pregaming and shot-taking, followed by countless days of bedridden, formidable hangovers. A starting point that rarely sets anyone up for healthy alcohol consumption success.
Chic, Classy, and Cha, Cha, Cha: Dirty Martinis and Spicy Casamigos Margaritas
My taste in alcohol evolved, thank God, in my mid-twenties when I found myself in a work-hard, play-hard city, in which every bar and restaurant was within walking distance of the office and happy hours were a norm to connect, bond, and vent with coworkers (and a place to get deals done). The lines were often blurred between work and beverage consumption; it was as if the secret handshake to closing a project, executing an event, or working up the corporate ladder was always sealed with a toast.
Rosé All Day: Rosétaturdays
In my late twenties I discovered that I did not bounce back as quickly as I once did from a fun boozy brunch, that hangovers lasted most of the day Sunday, and that Monday mornings were brutal going back to work. It was at this stage that I started questioning if alcohol consumption was a friend or a foe; could I find a sweet spot between alcohol and wholehearted living?
Popping Bottles: Babies and Champagne Showers
Before I could answer that question, the blessings of babies arrived in which I abruptly halted drinking, welcomed in hormones and a new chapter of both eternal love and confusion. Then as I regained the ability to drink once more, I welcomed glasses of wine with open arms, feeling as if it was the connecting thread to my youth and could quickly transition me from stressed to blessed in a matter of sips.
Present Day Decisions: Hard Seltzers or Just Seltzers?
Now my long days in the office have transitioned to long days at home with two bright and beautiful daughters. In a chapter of my life in which I have very little time to feel poorly, and at a point when I crave being the best, most nurturing example to the both of them, I realize that alcohol no longer has the appeal it once did, an appeal that served as an outlet for me. Whether that be to curb uncomfortable feelings in the social settings of my younger self, suppress stress, or drinking Rosé on a Saturday just to have fun. I smile at the great times I had, but look forward to honoring a fresh perspective and taking part in other outlets outside of drinking. But in order to honor a fresh perspective, I must change my consumption habits. And change is not easy. I’d be lying if I were to share with you that there isn’t resistance that follows change commitment.
So, what does this mean?
What’s next?
What will be my drink of choice in this era of my life…if any?
It’s More Fun to Drink With Friends
(you are not alone)
If this alcohol journey feels familiar to you, don’t fret. I’ve had countless conversations with people who are on parallel paths, who don’t necessarily feel as if they have a problem with alcohol, but who crave a refreshed outlook and relationship with it.
Like most necessary life adjustments, as we age, we get to know ourselves better. We have a solid understanding and relationship with who we are. And as our body, mind, and soul connection is enhanced, so is the deeper understanding of how certain decisions impact us, both the good and the bad.
We adjust things based on our own internal guidance and wisdom.
My aim with this piece is not to tell you what is good and bad. That is up to you. We are all created differently; some of us can hang longer than others, some of us feel worse the next day, just like some of us choose a dry martini while others order a cold beer. Like all things in life, you are uniquely you. This means that only you know what decisions end up feeling poorly and what decisions result in you feeling good.
My goal is also not to discourage drinking altogether.
What I want to do is to get to the distillation of why we may turn to a few drinks and identify new ways of sipping that are sustainable to heighten our quality of life.
why do we drink?
The why behind drinking may revolve around the following:
Coping Mechanism / Stress Relief
Escapism / Running Away from Problems
Celebrating / Just for Fun
Comforting / Easing Social Anxiety
Habitual / It’s Something We’ve Always Done, so we Keep Doing it
Refreshing / Tasty
Conforming / “If You’ll Drink, I’ll Drink”
Nowadays, grabbing a drink is my tangible form of transitioning from mom mode, work mode, or stress mode into relaxation mode. It is symbolic of me letting my hair down, not taking life so seriously, and feeling a relaxed presence wherever I am. And I don't want to lose that completely, but I also don't want to let it take on a life of its own.
My Goal: intentional drinking
Currently, I am inching closer and closer to minimal alcohol consumption and maximum sobriety breaks. This means that if there is a special occasion and it feels right, I enjoy exactly two drinks. This is my personal limit that allows me to be set up for success the following day without feeling like I can’t indulge at all. Additionally, if a month permits it, I take time away from drinking to reset my body.
And here is where the resistance surfaces: events, weddings, travel, dinners, and celebrations are at an all-time high now, stacked up and often back-to-back. It can be increasingly difficult to cut out something that dominates these kinds of social events and celebrations. In these instances, I do my best to perform intentional self-check-ins. How am I feeling? How well rested am I? What does the following day or week look like? Do I want to set a drink limit? Do I want to be footloose and fancy free?
As an adult and as a parent, I’ve had to adopt a lot of personal restraints to function at a high level, protect my energy, and be as present as possible. I don’t have time to feel hungover or crappy. But there are experiences in which it feels freeing to not set a self-limitation when it comes to something I enjoy.
You might feel the same way. How can you avoid giving yourself a hard time for enjoying a few when you decided that’s what you wanted? How can you figure out your sweet spot, whether that’s a numerical limit, type of beverage, or saying farewell to alcohol completely? Only you know what your signature drink is, just make sure you truly enjoy it, and toast to the moments in life that are meant to be enjoyed in a way that will allow you to enjoy the moments following it.
I wholeheartedly believe that with some intentionality and curiosity, we can let the good times roll—within a loving reason.
“Writer’s block is a fancy term made up by whiners so they can have an excuse to drink alcohol.”
Edited by the lovely & talented, Ali Weeks, Moxie Writing Co.
If you feel that you may have a problem with your relationship with alcohol, I encourage you to seek further counsel at Alcoholics Anonymous. Find a local A.A. near you.