The Great Surrender
What it Really Means to Take a Break
& How-To Not Feel Badly About it
Surrender.
According to Oxford Languages means to “cease resistance to an enemy or opponent and submit to their authority.” Followed by the synonyms “to quit, crumble, fall victim or succumb to.” Whereas Merriam-Webster includes that to surrender is “to give (oneself) up into the power of another.” Retro definitions related to historical battles, but in today’s age, surrendering corresponds to so much more.
For example, to me surrendering means: to take a break, a breather, to be present to all that is around you, and the most difficult of them all, to let go of control and allow what is occurring to occur.
A word I initially fled from earlier this year, as my ego, cultural influences and previous workaholic conditioning ushered me forward on a treacherous, exhaustive path. No matter how overtired, sick, or overwhelmed I was, I still felt the urge to put on my game face, and battle on, as to admit defeat just wasn’t an option.
Then days of pushing forward turned into weeks, weeks into months, as I constantly fought an uphill battle during several of life’s seasons. From back-to-back illnesses, a nine-month home renovation, a pregnancy blessing, on-the-go toddler, writing, business management, socializing, settling into a new home,
I realized I wasn’t running myself anywhere, other than running myself into the ground.
I also recognized I became a robotic version of myself. Less present, more reactive, less empathetic, more self-absorbed with “what I just had to get done,” I quite honestly, did not enjoy or like this inauthentic, removed version of myself.
Worst of all, I subconsciously chose to break down rather than to take a break.
It took many moon cycles for me to realize that this push forward mentality wasn’t working anymore.
Why was my life, my every day, my happiness, dependent solely on productivity, autopilot output and activity addiction?
Tangible angels in the form of spiritual advisors: a therapist, a coach, friends, and family all knew better than I did at the time, encouraging me to slow down and rest, while wisely noting that “if you resist, the troubles will persist.”
But I do not wish this lengthy recognition process, or need to hire a dream team to spend countless hours on why it is so difficult for us to surrender, for you. Rather, I wish to share my experience with you as a cheat sheet on how you too, can take a break from whatever it is that you know you need a break from and how-to not feel badly about it. Or simply the permission to do so.
So, first things first,
Debunking Preconceived Beliefs on
What it Means to Surrender
The first step for me to surrender included challenging what I thought it meant to surrender; AKA to call bull shit on the negativity around taking a break.
Internal dialogue such as, to surrender meant:
To show weakness,
To fall behind,
To be lazy,
To lose control,
To miss out,
To admit unworthiness
and to fail.
Surrendering felt final. As if whatever it was, I was taking pause on, was done and over with; I could not go back, I had just thrown it all away, and everyone knew it.
So, no wonder I resisted taking a break, I felt that if I did, then it looked like I wasn’t passionate, strong, or resilient, which as we know, is a perceived major weakness in a masculine dominate culture.
These revelations on pulling back did not encourage me to take pause, so, this led me to,
The Last Straw:
No Other Choice but to Surrender
Because I chose not to listen to my body or my intuition on the need to take a break, I started operating from a place of scarcity, anxiety, and inauthenticity. Nothing I seemed to produce felt fulfilling or genuine, rarely was there a moment in which I was wholeheartedly present, I was a lot less fun, decisions felt half-assed, and overall, I felt unhappier than I have been in a long time.
Furthermore, this realization did not hit me like a ton of bricks.
It, or rather I, slowly unraveled.
Conversations with close loved ones revolved around what it would look like for me to take a break. To surrender to where I was currently, which was in the middle of a seasonal shit storm. To let go of the tight grip I had focused on controlling every detail around me and to take a break from being the solutions generator.
The solutions I thought I was creating, were actually hindering my healing; as they were decisions made from a distracted and distant place.
Suddenly waving the white flag felt like a welcomed wave of relief.
A loving decision made out of self-compassion.
A long sigh out, sword down, plop on the ground in the middle of the battlefield and look upward at the sky, rather than forward at the deemed opposition.
Upward glances that brought infinite blessings as God and the Universe whispered “finally, you have come back to us.” Then in one swift motion, they picked me up and walked me towards a shaded oak tree.
Surrendering to the overwhelms of life all of a sudden didn’t feel so bad, it felt freeing, and it felt empowering.
What it Actually Means to Surrender
Contrary to popular belief, I now know that surrendering, or taking a break, when you least think that you can, is one of the most powerful and smartest decisions you can make. It means that you have slowed down, realized that one overarching area, or maybe many areas of your life, are spiraling, and rather than react, you have decided to pause and zoom out to analyze the bigger picture.
You most importantly, gift yourself with the ability to reconnect to your higher self. My personal belief is that this includes your Light Team, who lovingly await to guide you to make decisions for your best and highest good.
Granting yourself space from a continual cycle of decision making gets you from your ideal point A to point B quicker.
It is also a lot less exhaustive.
You provide your emotions and feelings with room to be felt, rather than pushing them down.
And you give yourself permission to think without self-inflicted pressure.
Surrendering takes many forms and is up to you. This may include:
+ A brief meditative breather in-between meetings, countering the impulse you feel when you must respond to emails instead
+ A day dedicated to taking a time out and self-nurturing, to let go of the tight grip you have on each facet of your life, to call in the magic and guide you lovingly to solutions or creative ideas
+ A power hour of reflecting on this upcoming season’s intentions: What values do you want to honor and how will your decisions reflect them?
+ Or in my case, an entire season of release, in which I lovingly decided to take pause on a passion project in order to nurture and empower both my dreams and myself, so that when it felt right to resume once more, that I was doing so from a place of sincere connection.
You see, surrendering is not just a verb or a word, but an aspiring way of life, of being. It is one of the smartest decisions you can make amongst a season of insanity, and gifts you with the wisdom on the next best steps to take towards a desired outcome.
You aren’t handing the power over to anyone or anything else other than back to yourself.
You make decisions from a pure place versus a place of hurriedness.
And most importantly of all, you feel a great sense of peace, as you profoundly know that your thoughts are that of your own, made from a place of love, and that regardless the outcome, you made the right decisions for yourself.
“Sometimes surrender means giving up trying to understand and becoming comfortable with not knowing.”
{Source: Merriam-Webster, Surrender Defined}