If it’s Not One Thing, It’s Another
“Why, Just Why.” Addressing WTF Seasons of our Life
Admittedly, I have a few English and grammar-related weak spots.
One of them being the use of, and meaning behind, idioms. I am convinced that I missed a lesson on idioms as a child, and it’s gotten to the point where it is comical. But this idiom in particular, this be damned expression, has haunted me and quite honestly, almost everyone I know.
If It’s Not One Thing, It’s Another
According to The Idiom.com, translates to “everything is going wrong, bad things keep happening, [and you continue to face] many problems in succession.”
Basically, back-to-back, WTF moments.
I wish this piece could provide you with a solution to those countless troubles or frustrating experiences you are facing. Better yet, I wish that I could take them all away. Or give you a few steps to allow you to release them to the Universe, but when you are in the thick of multiple messes, it feels almost as if nothing can rid you of those feelings.
A “five step program” almost feels like an insult.
The overwhelm is too overwhelming and prevents you from adequately processing everything that is being thrown your way. A tipping point ensues, and you find yourself on the verge of a breaking point.
Also known as a meltdown.
Your energy is depleted by the looming meltdown, along with the flood of multiple intense emotions at once, to such a degree that you find yourself completely drained, with minimal solutions or the ability to even think things through.
And lastly, you shut down.
In these moments, my mind goes to a place that I am not too proud of.
I ask myself “Whose fault, is this? Could this have been prevented? Did I jinx myself somewhere along the way? Is it ever going to stop? {and} Why is this happening to me?”
Which leads me to the most common defaults, we as humans go to when experiencing tough seasons in our lives.
The Why
As humans, we love to know the why. I think this is because we believe that in identifying the root cause, we will prevent it from occurring again.
This isn’t necessarily wrong, or right.
But sometimes things just happen (It sucks, I know).
So, letting go of searching for what went wrong leading up to these events can be a better use of valuable mind-based resources. Then you are focusing your attention and what little energy you have left on the present, how you want to proceed, and on future solutions, rather than on the past.
As the past is out of your hands and control.
I like the why to be reflected on long after the storms have passed. When I have a clear mind, and when my emotions aren’t the driving force behind my actions. Moments of clarity surface effortlessly in the cases which they are supposed to,
And then I move on.
The Victim
We have all been “the victim” at one point or another.
{Cringes, but slowly raises hand.}
Mixing ourselves up with the why may lead us to point fingers at everyone and everything else other than ourselves. It is easier to blame others rather than take accountability for something that could have occurred because of an error on our end.
Or better yet, maybe it is no one’s “fault” at all. That seems to be a hard one for the general population to wrap their minds around.
Strong emotions tend to surface in unison whenever many things go awry, which cloud our judgement and may lead to us feeling victimized.
This is one of the easiest and most frequented default positions that individuals can put themselves in when incurring too many problems at once, and one that is also, the least useful.
When I have found myself taking on the role of the victim, I discovered the foundation of my blame was anger and frustration or sadness that came out of the inability to process everything that just happened to me, quickly. My emotions took the wheel, which led to embarrassing outbursts (luckily, I can consider these to be rare these days, but when they do occur, hide yourselves).
After these strong emotions let their presence known, I am quickly met with uncomfortable humiliation, because meltdowns aren’t exactly something I am proud of. Also, I am downright exhausted. I just released the crackin’, along with all of the energy I had left.
Heck, sometimes you just need to get it out, I get it. But if it can be prevented, take a quick stroll, drive to your favorite restaurant for take out or take ten.
Give some space between you and your emotions.
The Fluff
Let me ask you something, why do we feel the need as humans to power forward in attending what I like to call “the fluff” during difficult seasons of our lives? I truly think the best thing we can do when multiple things go wrong is to take a step back, breathe and decide “What is necessary that I do today? What is a priority? And what can I reschedule or do away with right now?”
Let me rephrase this, you just encountered so many curveballs that it is making your head spin, so you can’t think things through properly, you are most likely on autopilot, thus making it difficult to weed out the necessary verses the unnecessary.
You just went through a tornado, a shit storm, and you need time to yourself to process or just to let things go. It is challenging to do so when you are processing other experiences around you. Solitude is key here. And however, and whatever that looks like, is up to you.
Remove the fluff.
The Miss Independent
The alternative default is what I like to call, going into solo tunnel vision, problem solving overdrive. In which fight or flight kicks in, you choose fight, and plunge into the thought process of: “OK let’s solve this sucker right now. No one and nothing can get in-between me and my solution.”
This is a productive mindset; however, it can lead to two problems. 1.) You may deflect anyone else’s suggestions outside of your own and 2.) your loved ones genuinely want to help you, so why can’t you let them?
Trying to do it all, by yourself, can lead to some pretty disastrous results. I have found that whenever I entered this realm, that it would quickly lead me down the path towards a meltdown because I realized I couldn’t fix the countless problems being thrown my way, on my own. My ego became bruised, my emotions then revved up and well, all hell broke out.
Accepting advice and help can lead us out of the thick of things, quicker.
When our emotions takeover, processing problems are reduced, and having a clear, third-party perspective, can shed light on areas we can’t see in that moment. Or, if someone extends a helping hand, take it! Allow them to take up the problem at hand and give yourself time to go through the motions this unfortunate event brought forward.
Two heads, are better than one.
In the end, I always find that trying to zoom out of the unfortunate circumstance, taking ten minutes to breathe, naming and allowing my emotions to surface and accepting help if things are out of my control, is the best recipe for success during difficult times.
It is also important to recognize that not everything holds a solution, and that this too shall pass. And if we reflect on those seasons in which many, many things went wrong, we sometimes can see that if it wasn’t for them, many, many things wouldn’t have gone right for us today.
Sometimes problems are actually answered prayers. Sometimes painful, sometimes downright aggravating, but longterm benefits to our deepest desires.
{Source: Idioms.com, If It’s Not One Thing, It’s Another}
“There was never a night or a problem that could defeat sunrise or hope.”