Know-it-Alls, Know Less
How Adopting a Beginner’s Mind Mentality Gets You Further
“Fake it till you make it.”
I will never forget these words spoken to me on my first day, at my first job out of college.
I will also never forget what I wore that day: I was so nervous and the pre-punctual type (those who are too early to be considered “right on time”) that I wore pink and white sneakers to help me to speed walk from my East Village apartment to the office most efficiently.
Pairing these with my black tailored pants, white button down and a bright, logo embellished cardigan matching my logo earrings, almost as if they were badges representing that “I belong here, please admit me” to the fashion house I worked for at the time.
I sped walked briskly to my desk, sat down and immediately switched out my shoes as to not be seen wearing them through the office. This hope was a fat chance because you could hear me squeak a mile down the hall; luckily there weren’t too many people in the office yet.
It doesn’t come as a surprise that I felt imposter syndrome (as if you do not deserve to be where you are, even though you worked hard for it) the second I hit the threshold of the neon orange office carpet.
I wanted to be accepted so badly, that I took on any and all advice given to me.
One of my colleagues turned me when I started to eagerly ask questions with my notebook and pen in-hand and said “When in doubt, Google it. Oh, and fake it till you make it. Look as if you know what you are doing.”
And boy, did I ever take that advice to heart.
It wasn’t until many years later that I realized I’ve carried this mentality with me ever since: that no matter the setting, I put on a façade that I knew about a subject at hand, even if I knew little about it, to look prepared and intelligent, to prove that I was worthy of having a seat at the table.
And when I say “this mentality” I mean, the know-it-all type.
STATING THE OBVIOUS : LEARNING MORE FROM KNOWING LESS
Right now, I want to encourage forming awareness around, and to potentially call out, the know-it-all mentality that ironically, each of us may have unknowingly adopted throughout our lives. Without even recognizing it, this mindset may be responsible for blocking our ability for personal growth and expansion, broadening our perspectives and viewing those miracles around us with childlike wonder once more.
Ouch.
I know. No one wants to be known as a know-it-all.
But that is merely putting a name to a trend in our society which deems success to be equivalent to showing up the best-in-class {…at everything} and in order to do so, we feel as if we have to in fact, know-it-all.
A personal history on how we may have adopted this habitual mentality over the years could look like this.:
From schooling, in which our teachers called on us in Algebra to answer a question we didn’t have a clue about and then had to present ourselves in a manner in which mathematics was our strong suit, when in reality, we just wanted to dive into literature all day in English class (ahem, this hits close to home for me).
To the first day of our first job, and proceeding new jobs that followed, in which we wanted to feel as if we belonged and to validate the worth behind our hiring, we may have put up a façade that we knew everything about our new companies’ internal affairs when in actuality, we didn’t even know where the restroom was.
To possibly going to our child’s pediatrician office and nodding along as they inquired if we knew what to expect for our child’s upcoming milestones and development, “yes’ing” them although we knew very little but didn’t want to be perceived as a “bad mom.”
You see, if we don’t know the answer, if we aren’t familiar with a topic being spoken to for example, at a girl’s dinner, we may focus on feeling left out, silly or in fact, dumb. Lesser than the individual who is speaking to a topic.
On-the-flip-side, if we are familiar with a topic being spoken to, then we may dial-down listening, focus on the menu in front of us so we know what to order, and miss new information that we thought we already knew.
And this is what I am going to say about that.:
Just because you don’t know about the topic(s) being spoken to at-hand, does not mean you are unintelligent or less worthy of being at the table. This simply presents you with the opportunity to learn and to grow. And in opening ourselves up to learning more, we become far wiser than if we assume, we know-it-all. We allow ourselves to absorb more from different vantage points, to enter a conversation to not only hear it, but to listen, and in doing so, we look at topics and conversations with child-like wonder once more.
With appreciation and value.
And with presence.
The frame of mind I am describing, entering a conversation or experience as if you have heard little about the topic being spoken to, is known as beginner’s mind. It is a valuable tool that has allowed me to grant myself permission to be present, be where the words are, and to rediscover the beauty in becoming a student once more.
It can be as easy as cultivating awareness around a habit we did not even realize we took on in the first place and adopting a new way of viewing conversations and the world around us. The added bonus of a small shift can create an impactful ripple effect, as by improving your quality of life, you are also improving those relationships around you. You may find that you become more present and a better listener, making loved ones feel valued and in return, making yourself even happier to feel their warmth and worthiness. [Excerpt written for Women, Faith & Story, Mind Shift: How-to Adopt a Beginner’s Mind]
And wouldn’t the world be a better place if everyone lit up a little more, and shut down a little less? If we felt our youth wash over us, instead of simply growing older and becoming stuck in our ways? If we learned more, and assumed less?
I think so.
I think it would be.
“In the beginner’s mind there are many possibilities, but in the expert’s there are few.”